The bar char below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
The bar chart compares the amount of free time in a typical week spent by various employed males and females from 1998 to 1999.
Overall, it is evident that men generally had more leisure time compared to women, who are, however, only shown in the two categories, namely employed part-time and housewives. In addition, the same hours were spent by the jobless and retired genders.
Looking at the information in more detail, full-time employed men spent approximately 49 hours, which was ten hours more than that of women who are in the same category. As for the hours spent by unemployed and retired people, the figures accounted for 85 for men and 75 for women, respectively, making this category the highest in hours spent weekly.
When it comes to gender employed for part-time jobs and housewives, there was no data for men in these job categories, while housewives had roughly 55 hours of leisure time, five hours more than other women who were employed in part-time jobs.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. However, there are minor issues with transitions between ideas.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
- Clarify comparisons between categories.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but there is room for more variety and precision.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay addresses the task well, summarizing key features and making relevant comparisons.