Skip to main content

the bar chart below gives information on the numbers of workers in different occupation who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012

The bar chart shows changes in the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia from 2009 to 2012 . Overall migrants working in the field of software engineer, especially accountant – always recording consistent higher figures – worked considerably more migrants compared to the remaining fields during the period. Although there were varying degrees , exhibited rising trends with that for computer programmer seeing the smallest figure.
Accounting and software engineer show much bigger figures compared to other categories. The number of skilled migrants migrating to Australia who worked in accounting increased significantly from 20000 to about 28000 between 2009 and 2010, before dropping considerably to around 22000 in the next year. The number of skilled migrants working in accounting dropped slightly in 2012, reaching about 21000. The number of skilled migrants in software engineering started at about 18,000, a figure that then increased steadily, reaching approximately 22,000 in 2011.
In contrast cook and computer had relatively smaller number. The number of workers in the cooking industry started at 17000 in 2009, a figure that then decreased to 1500 in 2010. The number of workers in the cooking industry was 18000 in 2011, after which it saw considerably decline to 16000 in 2012. If we are coming at least of list starting at 2000in 2009, the number of workers in computer programmer increased to 4000 in 2010, Before the return to his own figure, after which increased significantly to 5000 in 2012.

5.0

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow, making it difficult to follow.

Suggestions
  • Organize the essay with clear paragraphs for each occupation.
  • Use linking words to enhance flow.
  • Ensure a logical sequence of ideas.

The vocabulary used is limited and repetitive, with some inappropriate word choices.

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions.

The essay addresses the task but lacks detail and clarity in describing trends and comparisons.

Suggestions
  • Provide clear comparisons between occupations.
  • Include specific data points for clarity.
  • Summarize main trends effectively.