The bar chart below show about the percentage of volunteers by sector between 2008 and 2014.
The two bar charts give information about the percentages of volunteers by sector between 2008 and 2014.
Overall, healthcare was the least popular at the beginning; it was the most popular at the end. In contrast, education was the most preferred at the beginning; it was the least preferred at the end. Another interesting point is that the environment has always been the most preferred sector during the period.
In detail, the percentage of healthcare volunteers experienced a significant increase of 7% to 25% between 2008 and 2014. Similarly, the proportion of environmental volunteers underwent a slight increase from 21% to 34% from 2008 to 2014.
In contrast, both other organizations and educational organizations experienced a decrease in the proportion of people volunteering in them. The rate for the other sector started at 15% and finished at 9% in 2014. The rate for education started at 24% and finished at 8% between 2008 and 2014.
In 2008, the percentage for art underwent a slight decline from 15% to 12% in 2014. Finally, the rate for sport experienced a decrease from 18% to 12% between 2008 and 2014.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses appropriate cohesive devices and paragraphing. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all information in the paragraph is relevant to that topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately and appropriately selected and accurately described.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully understand the task requirements and that you provide a detailed and accurate response.