The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2009.
The bar chart compares the portion of Australian males and females who did physical activity on a regular basis according to six age categories in 2009. Overall, it is clear that men did regular physical activity less than women apart from those who aged 15 to 24.
According to the bar chart, the youngest male age group 15 to 24 involved in physical activity more than any other age groups with 52,8%. This figure decreased following by two age groups with 42,2% and 39,5% respectively. Before reaching 46,7%, there was a slight increase by 3%. The last physically active male group aged 65 and over ranked second place with 46,7% .
As regards women commenced with 47,7%. However, this number showed a dramatic increase following by 48,9% and 52,5% respectively until reaching by far the most with 53,3%. This number showed a slight reduction. The last female age group 65+ category which recorded a figure of 47,1%.
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linking phrases and cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and inaccuracies.
The essay shows basic grammatical structures with frequent errors in punctuation and sentence structure.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detail in the analysis and comparison of data.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed comparisons between male and female groups.
- Include specific data points to support general statements.
- Summarize the main trends more effectively.