the bar chart illustrate the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of individuals in the UK who consumed five servings of fruits and vegetables daily between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the figures for women, men, and children increased of varying degrees. Moreover, women stood out among other ganders, with consistently higher figures in each year, despite a decline in the final year.
In detail, the proportion of women started at roughly 23 % in 2001 and this was followed by a gradual growth to 35 % in 2006. However, a minimal drop was seen in its figure to 30 % at the end of the period. Similarly, the number of men who ate five servings of fruits and vegetables increased markedly with around 27 % in 2007, before dropping to just below 25 % in the final year.
In terms of children’s consumption, it accounted for approximately 13 % in the initial year, a figure that then rose to 26 % in 2007, and then there was a negligible fall in its figure in 2008.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses appropriate cohesive devices and paragraphing. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also includes specific details and examples to support the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all data presented in the chart is discussed in the essay. There is no mention of the overall trend or the highest and lowest figures.