The bar chart illustrates the number of boys and girls participating in four different sports after school in Australia in 2010.

The bar chart illustrates the number of boys and girls participating in four different sports after school in Australia in 2010.
Overall, boys showed a higher percentage of participation in sports like football and basketball, while girls preferred other activities such as swimming and netball.
Notably, the highest comparison between both genders was in football.
Starting with the boys, they accounted for over 20% of participants in football, which was the most popular activity in the chart, while their female counterparts only represented just over 5%. In basketball, approximately 6% of boys participated, which was slightly higher than the female participation rate of around 5%.
Now, focusing on the participation of girls in sports, about 16% of girls engaged in swimming, whereas boys had a lower participation rate of approximately 13%. Additionally, over 16% of girls played netball, which was significantly higher than the participation rate for boys, who registered only about 1%. Lastly, 5% of girls did not attend any sports activities, compared to 4% of boys

7.5

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively, and there is a good range of linking words. However, the comparison between the two genders could be more balanced.

Suggestions

Try to provide a more balanced comparison between boys and girls.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately and appropriately selected and clearly presented.