The bar chart shows mobile usage in a country by age group from 1998 to 2000
The bar chart compares the percentage of four different age groups` mobile usage over 3-year period.
In 1998, only 2% of people who aged less than 15 used their mobiles, while 53% of 16-30 years old people used their mobiles and showed the most mobile usage in certain year. 41% of people who aged 31-50, used their mobiles, while 4% of elderly people used mobiles in 1998.
In the following year, 1999, percentage of people who aged less than 15, saw remarkable increase, reached 8%, while percentage of people aged 50 or more doubled and reached 8%. Although, with 8% decrease in 1999, people who aged 16-30 showed higher percentage than other age categories, while 31-50 aged people used their mobiles less than previous year, reached 39% with slightly decrease.
In 2000, only two age categories saw the growth, while others saw the decrease as previous years. Percentage of people who aged less than 15 and used their mobiles, increased for 1% , while 50 aged people grew for 2%. Other two age categories saw the slightly decrease for 1% and 2% in 2000.
Overall, it is clear that all four different age categories show the increase and decrease over 3-year period. Percentage of people aged less than 15, saw the upward trend over three-year period.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a clear progression of information from the introduction of the topic to the detailed analysis of each age group. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved, and the use of some cohesive devices could be more varied.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and more varied sentence structures to improve the flow of information and make the essay more engaging to the reader.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be improved.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate with a few minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be improved.
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the information presented in the bar chart. The writer identifies key trends and makes relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data and by making more specific reference to the information presented in the chart.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data and make more specific reference to the information presented in the chart. This will help to fully satisfy the task requirements and to provide a more in-depth analysis of the data.