The barchart shows attendence of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
The bar chat illustrates the percentage of people across various age group who attended three types of music ( Classical, Opera, and Popular music) in Australisa in 2006.
Overall, Popular music events were the most preferred by younger people, while Classical and Opera events were more popular among older individuals. However, attendance at Classical and Opera events was generally lower compared to Popular music.
Looking at the details, almost 40 % of those aged people attended Popular music events, which was the highest figure in the chart. This percentage declined minimally for the 25-34 age group, reaching roughly 30 %, and than dropped further among older groups, with the lowest participation around 10 % seen in people who aged 55 an above.
On the other hand, attendance of Classical music was highest among the 55+ group, where accounted for about 20 % . In contrast, fewer than 10 % of people in 15- 24 and 25-34 age groups attended Classical music events. Opera attrected small audiences across all age groups, peaking at nearly 15 % for the 55 +
category and remaining under under 10 % for the younger groups .
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there is room for improvement in terms of grammatical accuracy and the use of punctuation.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more effective use of data from the chart.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the data presented in the chart.
- Make more effective use of data from the chart to support your statements.