The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
The bar chart compares the amount of money spent on five consumer goods between France and the United Kingdom in 2010. Overall, both nation’s expenses show that electronic gadgets and cars had more figures (except the cameras) than others, with perfume being the least popular.
In 2010, expenditure on cars were 400,000 pounds sterling in France and just above 450,000 pounds sterling in the UK, which are the largest numbers among the rest. The second largest commodity was a computer, accounting for about 370,000 pounds sterling for France and 350,000 for the UK. Interestingly, the UK spending for cameras were more about 2,5 times than France with 150,000 pounds sterling and the UK with around 360,000 pounds sterling.
As for the others, books in general had been sold for customers in France for 300,000 pounds sterling and in the UK just more than 400,000 pounds sterling. Perfume had the tiniest expenditure, France with 200,000 pounds sterling and the UK with under 150,000 pounds sterling.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through the text. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a variety of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer makes appropriate comparisons and provides relevant details. However, the writer could improve by providing a more detailed analysis of the data and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including trends, differences, and similarities between the two countries.
- Make more specific comparisons and use a wider range of structures to do so.