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the chart below shows the number of people employed in 5 types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008

The bar chart illustrates the number of people employed in five sectors—Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, and Farming—in a region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the sales sector employed the highest number of people in both years, while farming accounted for the smallest workforce. Over the period, employment in Computing and Nursing experienced significant growth, whereas the number of workers in Accounting and Farming declined slightly.
In 2001, approximately 155,000 people were employed in Sales, making it the dominant sector. This figure increased marginally to 160,000 in 2008. Computing, which initially employed around 60,000 workers in 2001, saw substantial growth, reaching 80,000 by 2008, making it the second-largest sector that year. Similarly, employment in Nursing rose significantly from 55,000 to 65,000, equaling the number of Accounting professionals in 2008.
On the other hand, Accounting, which had about 65,000 employees in 2001, experienced a slight decline to 60,000 in 2008. Farming saw the sharpest decrease, with employment dropping from 30,000 in 2001 to 20,000 in 2008, making it the smallest sector across both years.
In summary, while Sales remained the largest sector throughout the period, Farming saw a marked decline, and Computing and Nursing grew significantly in their workforce.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and the progression of the essay is smooth.

Suggestions
  • Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is used appropriately with only occasional inaccuracies.

The essay uses a wide range of structures and there are few grammatical errors. Those that do occur do not impede communication.

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately and appropriately selected and well supported.

Suggestions
  • Make sure to accurately report and not to make up any data.