The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people were employed in five types of work-sales, accounting, computing, nursing, farming- between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, while the figures for sales, computing and nursing increased slightly. But accounting and farming decreased significantly from 2001 to 2008. Noteworthy is the fact that, sales showed the highest figures in each year and farming had the lowest.
Focusing on decreases first, accounting showed slight decrease of about 60 thousand and reached just under 60 thousand in between 2001 and 2008. Farming stood at about 40 thousand and decreased to about 20 thousand from 2001 to 2008.
However, sales, computing and nursing bucked the trend: showing the slightly increase, the figures for sales showed went from about 160 thousand in 2001 to about 170 thousand in 2008. The number of employees of computing increased from about 60 thousand to about 80 thousand from 2001 to 2008. People who worked as nursing increased from about 58 thousand to about 60 thousand between 2001 to 2008 in Australia.
The essay is logically organized with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, there are some issues with sentence structure and transitions that affect the flow.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words.
- Avoid starting a sentence with ‘But’.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and incorrect word choices.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and prepositions.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear overview and details, but there are inaccuracies in data interpretation.
Suggestions
- Ensure data accuracy when describing trends.
- Provide more specific data points for clarity.