The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about how much people employed in five types of work in Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figures for Sales ,Nursing and especially computing registered a upward trend ,the reverse was true accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that, Computing showed the highest figures over the seven-year period and Farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first , employment in sales rose significantly from around 140,000 in 2001 to 160,000 in 2008 .Similarly, the number of people employed in Computing increased sharply, from approximately 70,000 to 90,000. Nursing also saw a slightly rise, with employment figures reached from about 60,000 to nearly 70,000 over the same period.
However accounting and farming declined. Employement in accounting dropped roughly from 60,000 in 2001 to just over 40,000 in 2008. Farming saw the steepest decrease, halving from 40,000 in 2001 to about 20,000 by 2008.
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information with an overall logical progression. However, there are minor issues with paragraph transitions and the use of linking devices.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words.
- Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some errors in word choice and form.
The essay shows a limited range of grammatical structures with noticeable errors affecting clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, summarizing the main trends and providing specific data from the chart.