The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about how much people employed in five types of work in Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figures for Sales ,Nursing and especially computing registered a upward trend ,the reverse was true accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that, Computing showed the highest figures over the seven-year period and Farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first , employment in sales rose significantly from around 140,000 in 2001 to 160,000 in 2008 .Similarly, the number of people employed in Computing increased sharply, from approximately 70,000 to 90,000. Nursing also saw a slightly rise, with employment figures reached from about 60,000 to nearly 70,000 over the same period.
However accounting and farming declined. Employement in accounting dropped roughly from 60,000 in 2001 to just over 40,000 in 2008. Farming saw the steepest decrease, halving from 40,000 in 2001 to about 20,000 by 2008.
The essay presents an overall structure with a clear introduction and body paragraphs. However, there are some issues with the flow and clarity of ideas.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure consistency in tense usage.
- Clarify comparisons and contrasts.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some minor errors in word choice.
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures but contains several errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear overview of the trends in employment. However, some details could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data from the chart.
- Ensure all trends are accurately described.