The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chat shows how many people employed in five types of work- Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing and Farming in 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the figure for Sales and Nursing, especially Computing experience an upward trend, the reverse was true Accounting and Farming . Noteworthy is the fact that Computing showed the highest figure in over the years period the number of people employed in work and Accounting lowest.
However, Sales, Computing and Nursing in work of the people employed bucked the trend showing highest increase, the figure for Sales went from 150.000 in 2001 to about 165.000 in 2008. The Computing workers went from 60.000 in 2001 to about 80.000 in 2008. The Nursing workers went from 58.000 to about 60.000 in 2001 and 2008.
Focusing on the decreases, despite the showing lowest figures in 2001 and 2008, the people employed in accounting went from 65.000 to about 59.000 . Farming workers decrease went from 25.000 to about 19.000 in 2001 and 2008.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the chart and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the information presented in the chart.
- Make more specific comparisons and try to explain the reasons for the trends observed.