The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about number of people employed in five types of work between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figures for Accounting and Farming registered a downward trend, the reverse was true for Computing, Nursing and especially Sales. Noteworthy is the fact that, Sales showed the highest figures in each year employed and Farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, the number of people who works in Computing exhibited a dramatic increase of about 10.000 and reached almost 80.000 in 2008. The figures for nursing and Sales showed a slight increase of about 2.000 and reached 60.000 in the same year, which were followed by increase to 7.000 and reached about 163.000 in 2008.
However, Accounting and Farming bucked the trend showing the decrease
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors that do not impede communication.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by avoiding the use of symbols such as $ and .
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including reasons for the trends and comparisons between the different types of work.
- Avoid the use of symbols such as $ and . in the text.