The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people employed in five types of work- sales , accounting, computing, nursing and farming- in Australia from 2011 to 2008.
Overall, while figures for sales, nursing and especially computing experienced an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year studied while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on the increases first, the number of people who employed in computing experienced a dramatic increase to about 30 000 and reached just under the 80.000 in 2008. In addition, figures for computing stood at just under the160.000 in 2001, but this was followed by a gradual grow to 50.000 in 2008. The number of people who employed in nursing saw a slight increase to about 5 000 and reached 60.000 in 2008.
However, figures for accounting and farming bucked the trend. The figures for accounting stood at about 75.000 , but this was followed by a dramatic decrease to just under the 60.000 in 2008
The essay shows a basic level of cohesion and coherence. There is an attempt to organize the information logically, but there are some inaccuracies in the description of trends and figures.
Suggestions
- Ensure accurate data interpretation.
- Use linking words more effectively to connect ideas.
- Clarify confusing sections.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition. There are a few attempts at using less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies are present.
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Sentence structures are repetitive and lack complexity.
The essay attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies in data reporting and interpretation. Some key details are missing or incorrect.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data is accurately reported.
- Include all relevant details from the chart.
- Avoid misinterpretation of trends.