The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people employed in five types of work- sales , accounting, computing, nursing and farming- in Australia from 2011 to 2008.
Overall, while figures for sales, nursing and especially computing experienced an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year studied while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on the increases first, the number of people who employed in computing experienced a dramatic increase to about 30 000 and reached just under the 80.000 in 2008. In addition, figures for computing stood at just under the160.000 in 2001, but this was followed by a gradual grow to 50.000 in 2008. The number of people who employed in nursing saw a slight increase to about 5 000 and reached 60.000 in 2008.
However, figures for accounting and farming bucked the trend. The figures for accounting stood at about 75.000 , but this was followed by a dramatic decrease to just under the 60.000 in 2008
The essay has a basic structure but lacks clarity in some parts. There are repetitive phrases and some data is inaccurately described.
Suggestions
- Clarify the time period as 2001 to 2008.
- Use more varied linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure data is accurately represented.
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. Some numerical expressions are inconsistent.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses and article usage.
The task response is partially achieved. Some data is inaccurately described and there is a lack of detail in the analysis.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data is described accurately.
- Provide more detailed analysis of trends.
- Clarify any ambiguous statements.