The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people employed in five types of work- sales , accounting, computing, nursing and farming- in Australia from 2011 to 2008.
Overall, while figures for sales, nursing and especially computing experienced an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year studied while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on the increases first, the number of people who employed in computing experienced a dramatic increase to about 30 000 and reached just under the 80.000 in 2008. In addition, figures for computing stood at just under the160.000 in 2001, but this was followed by a gradual grow to 50.000 in 2008. The number of people who employed in nursing saw a slight increase to about 5 000 and reached 60.000 in 2008.
However, figures for accounting and farming bucked the trend. The figures for accounting stood at about 75.000 , but this was followed by a dramatic decrease to just under the 60.000 in 2008
The essay has a basic structure but lacks clarity in some parts. Transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and there are some inaccuracies in data interpretation.
Suggestions
- Use clearer transitional phrases to improve flow.
- Ensure data interpretation is accurate and consistent.
- Clarify comparisons and contrasts.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions.
The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.
The essay attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies in data reporting and lacks detail.
Suggestions
- Ensure data is accurately represented.
- Provide more detailed comparisons and contrasts.
- Clarify the time periods discussed.