The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five types of work — sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming — between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, while the figures for computing, nursing and especially sales registered an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year while farming showed the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, despite showing the highest figures in both years, the number of computing exhibited a dramatic increase of about 20 thousand and reached just under 80 thousand in 2008. The figure for nursing saw a slight increase of about 5 thousand in 2008 to about 20 thousand in 2008.
However, accounting and farming bucked the trend: showing the highest decrease, the figures for farming went from about 30 thousand in 2001accounting, on the other hand, had a decrease of about 5 thousand to hit 63 thousand in 2008.
The essay provides a general overview and attempts to describe trends. However, there are inconsistencies and missing details, particularly in the description of sales and farming.
Suggestions
- Include more precise data from the graph.
- Ensure logical flow and connection between sentences.
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there is some repetition and lack of variety.
There are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Sentence structures are somewhat varied but can be improved.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed and accurate information from the graph. Some data is misrepresented or omitted.
Suggestions
- Include accurate data for each category.
- Ensure all trends are clearly described with supporting figures.