The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five different types of work in Australia from 2001 to 2008.
Overall, while the figure for accounting and farming registered a downward trend, the reverse was true for sales, computing and nursing. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figure and farming is the lowest.
Focusing on the decrease first the number of people in accounting shows the significant decrease of about just under 70.000 in 2001 to just under 60.000 in 2008. The figure for farming of about 30.000 in 2001 which were followed by decrease to just under 20.000 in 2008.
However the sales, computing and nursing show the highest figure.
The figure for sales went from 150.000 in 2001 to 165.000 in 2008. The numbet of people who employed computing increase 60.000 in 2001 to 80.000 in 2008.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the main trends. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that need to be addressed.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed information and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed information and make more specific comparisons.
- Use a wider range of structures to discuss the data.