The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Bar graph provides information about how many people employed in 5 types of work— sales, accounting, computing, nursing, farming between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figure for 3 kinds of work — sales, nursing and especially computing experienced upward trend, the reserve was true for accounting and farming. Sales showed the highest numbers both 2 years.
Focusing on decreases first, there was a slight decrease in the number of people who work in accounting from about 70.000 to just under 60 000 in 2008. The number of workers of farming stood at about 50 000 in 2001 but this was followed by a significant decrease to about 20 000.
As for increases, not only did sales show the highest numbers in that period, but also it grow from about 155 000 to just over 160 000 in 2001 and 2008. Computing experienced the biggest change from just under 60000 to 80000.
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but clarity can be improved. Some sentences lack smooth transitions.
Suggestions
- Use linking words for better flow.
- Ensure all data is clearly explained.
The lexical resource is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are incorrect.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward structures that affect comprehension.
The response addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis. Some data is not clearly presented.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points.
- Ensure all information is accurate and clearly explained.