The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five types of work — sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming — between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figures for computing, nursing and especially sales registered a upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year and farming had showed the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, despite showing the highest figures in both years, the number of computing exhibited a dramatic increase of about 20 thousand and reached just under 80 thousand in 2008. The figure for nursing saw a slight increase of about 5 thousand in 2008 to about 20 thousand in 2008.
However, accounting and farming bucked the trend: showing the highest decrease, the figures for farming went from about 30 thousand in 2001accounting, on the other hand, had a decrease of about 5 thousand to hit 63 thousand in 2008.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. The information is sequenced in a way that makes it easy to follow the trends, but there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to make the relationships between the ideas more explicit.
- Consider using more varied linking words to connect your ideas and sentences.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of informal language that could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be addressed.
The essay provides a clear overview of the trends and makes appropriate comparisons. The information is accurately and appropriately used from the chart. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the trends and comparisons made.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the chart to support your trends and comparisons.