The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about how much people employed in five types of work in Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, while the figures for Sales ,Nursing and especially computing registered a upward trend ,the reverse was true accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that, Computing showed the highest figures over the seven-year period and Farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first , employment in sales rose significantly from around 140,000 in 2001 to 160,000 in 2008 .Similarly, the number of people employed in Computing increased sharply, from approximately 70,000 to 90,000. Nursing also saw a slightly rise, with employment figures reached from about 60,000 to nearly 70,000 over the same period.
However accounting and farming declined. Employement in accounting dropped roughly from 60,000 in 2001 to just over 40,000 in 2008. Farming saw the steepest decrease, halving from 40,000 in 2001 to about 20,000 by 2008.
The essay presents information in a logical order, but there are some issues with paragraphing and linking words.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure consistent paragraph structure.
- Clarify comparisons between categories.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are repetitive or incorrect.
There are noticeable grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and punctuation.
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant data, but some details are inaccurately presented.
Suggestions
- Ensure data accuracy.
- Include more detailed comparisons.