The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five types of works which sales, accounting, computing, nursing, farming between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the figures for accaunting, farming a downward trend, the revers was true sales, computing, nursing had the lowest.
Focusing on the decreases first, despite the highest figures, while the number of accounting workers saw a gradual decrease of about 20 % and reached and reached just under 60 in In addition, the figures for farming workers stood at 30 % but this was followed by gradual decrease 16 %in 2001.
By contrast, the figures for sales slight increase at 21% in 2008. Hence, the number of computing saw remarkebly increase at 21% in 2008. Similar year the figures for nursing slight increase at 8%.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in the use of articles, prepositions, and verb forms.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph and makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the information presented in the graph.
- Make more specific comparisons between the different types of work.