The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The chart shows the amount of people who employed in five different work like farming, accounting, computing, nursing and sales between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, the number of employed individuals in computing increased dramatically over the whole period. The figure for people who worked in farming field saw a significant decrease.
In computing work, the amount of people raised dramatically from just above 60.000 to about 80.000 between 2001 and 2008. The figure for workers in sales increased from around 158.000 to nearly 165 from 2001 to 2008. The number of people in nursing increased from around 58.000 to 60.000 between 2001 to 2008.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing.
The essay provides an overview of the information presented in the chart and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the information presented in the chart.
- Make more specific comparisons and try to explain the reasons for the trends shown in the chart.