The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people were working in five fields – Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing and Farming – in Australia over a seven year-period, starting from 2001.
Overall, while the figures for Nursing, Sales and especially Computing registered and upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that Sales recorded the highest figures in each year studied while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, in 2001 just below 160,000 Australians were working in sales, a figure which was then followed by a marked increase to about 170,000. Computing and Nursing had nearly identical figures of about 60 thousand in 2001; however, while the former exhibited an increase of about 20,000 to reach 80,000 in 2008, the latter saw only a marginal rise.
Accounting and Farming bucked the trend. The number of people working in those sectors had decreased from respective shares of about 65,000 and 30,000 to just below 60,000 and 20,000 by 2008.
The essay is well-structured with a clear overview and logical progression. However, some transitions could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
- Clarify comparisons between the sectors.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though there is some repetition.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear summary of the data with relevant details.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Include more specific data comparisons between years.