The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates how many people were employed in five different sectors in a particular Australian region in 2001 and 2008.
Overall, there was a slight rise in the numbers of employees in sales, computing and nursing, whereas a minor decrease was witnessed in the fields of accounting and farming. Furthermore, the sales sector employed the most people, while farming employed the least in both years.
In 2001, nearly 160,000 people were employed in sales, significantly outnumbering the other fields listed in the chart. Accounting, computing, and nursing each employed around 60,000 employees, while the agricultural sector had the smallest workforce, with over 20,000 workers.
By 2008, employment in sales had risen slightly to just over 160,000, still leading as the most populous sector. Computing and nursing followed similar upward trends, growing to nearly 80,000 and 60,000, respectively. In contrast, declines were seen in the accounting and farming workforces, with the former falling slightly to just under 60,000 and the latter to just below 20,000.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and the progression from one idea to the next is smooth. However, there is a slight issue with the flow of information in the second paragraph where the writer mentions the number of employees in each sector in 2001, which could be more seamlessly integrated into the overall narrative.
Suggestions
- Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of information and make the essay more engaging for the reader.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for greater precision and effectiveness.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be improved for greater clarity and precision.
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the information presented in the chart. The writer effectively highlights the main trends and makes relevant comparisons where appropriate. The essay meets the task requirements and provides a clear, well-supported analysis of the data.
Suggestions
- Continue to ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed and that the analysis is as detailed and comprehensive as possible.