The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart compares five employment sectors in terms of how many people were employed in an Australian region in two separate years: 2001 and 2008.
In general, sales consistently emerged as the dominant employment sector across both years while farming accounted for the smallest portion of workforce. Notably, there were increases in employment figures for sales, computing, and nursing, whereas accounting and farming experienced declines over the given period.
In 2001, the sales sector employed approximately 160,000 people, making it the most significant area of work. This figure rose slightly to around 170,000 in 2008, reinforcing its dominance. Similarly, the computing and nursing sectors showed notable growth, with computing increasing from roughly 50,000 to 80,000 and nursing rising steadily from about 90,000 to over 100,000.
By contrast, farming experienced the most substantial decline, with its workforce shrinking from 30,000 in 2001 to just over 10,000 in 2008, making it the smallest sector by the end of the period. Accounting also saw a modest drop in employment numbers, falling from around 70,000 in 2001 to approximately 60,000 in 2008.
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on different aspects of the data, maintaining a coherent structure.
Suggestions
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Use more varied linking words to enhance cohesion.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. There is some effective use of less common vocabulary.
The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy and variety. Complex structures are used effectively.
The essay successfully addresses all parts of the task, providing a clear overview and supporting details.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons between sectors to enhance analysis.