The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008
The bar chart provides data on the number of people working in five different employment sectors in a particular region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Overall, sales had the highest number employees in both years, while farming sector employed the fewest people. Significant changes are noticeably in sales and computing, while employment in nursing and accounting remained relatively stable in both years.
In 2001, the sales sector had 160,000 workers, which increased to approximately 180,000 in 2008, maintaining its leading position. Similarly, the computing sector significant growth, rising from 60,000 employees in 2001 to 80,000 by 2008, making it second most popular job by the end of the period.
Nevertheless, the number of employees in accounting sector showed slight decline, falling from 60,000 to around 50,000 by 2008. Moreover, farming sector had the lowest number of workers (60,000), which kept declining over the years, and remaining with only 20,000 by the end of given period. However, only nursing experienced minimal change, with 70,000 of workers who remained steady by 2008.
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing. However, there is a minor issue with sentence structure that affects the flow.
Suggestions
- Ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Use more varied linking words.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, though there are occasional inaccuracies.
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors.
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details.