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The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia.

The bar chart illustrates the data about the places where is visited by various people living in Australia.
Overall, cinemas are the most popular place for all groups, while theatres are the least visited. The library is the second most visited place for migrants from other countries but less popular for people born in Australia.
First of all, Cinema is predominant space visited by people who born in Australia and English-speaking countries, the proportion of spot visited exactly same between Cinema where is visited by migrants from other countries and Zoo where is visited by English spoken migrants. In addition, Zoo visited by Australian and other countries have visitors with Library visited by Australian and English spoken persons at around 30-40%.
On the other hand, all three different people origin visits very rare for Theater, all at under 30%. Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited. All three other places, they are Zoo, Theater, and Cinema show that person who born Australian and English spoken more visit than new migrants born in other countries. However, in Library individuals who most visited are New migrants from other countries.

6.0

The essay is logically organized, with clear progression of ideas. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with some complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting for the reader.

The essay provides a clear overview and detailed information on the data presented in the bar chart. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.

Suggestions
  • Include specific data and statistics from the chart to support your analysis.
  • Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your points.