The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the four spots of Australia : zoo, library, theatre and cinema that came by three various groups of inhabitants: native people who were born in Australia, new migrants that born in countries which speak English, and other newcomers who were born in another countries.
Overall, Cinema was most popular spot compared to other places, all three types of people visited this spot while the lowest point was observed in theatre. People born in Australia and visitors who were from english-speaking countries were attended more than migrants born in other countries almost all fields regardless library.
One of the common locations,the zoo was visited by all three types of people: 41% of native people, 50% of citizens from speak-english countries, and 35% of migrants from non-english-speaking countries while library was also a popular location, citizens of another countries visited there compared to native people and newcomers of english-speaking countries 55% , 38%, and 40% respectively.
In contrast to the zoo and library, the theatre and cinema showed varying levels of popularity among the three different groups of people. There was a marked difference between cinema and theatre; The theatre had the fewest visitors in all three groups of people, while the cinema attracted a high percentage of people from all groups. Theatre was visited by 20% of native people, 24% of newcomers from english-speaking areas and 10% of new migrants from non-english-speaking countries, while cinema was attended by 70% of native, 65% of people from english-speaking countries and 50% of migrants from non-speaking-countries.
The essay follows a logical structure but lacks clear linking phrases. Comparisons are made, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Group similar ideas together for better clarity.
- Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are repetitive and could be more precise.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, affecting clarity. Sentence structures are often repetitive.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis. It provides an overview and some comparisons but misses depth in data interpretation.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed analysis of data.
- Highlight significant trends and comparisons.
- Ensure all key features are covered.