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The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

The pie chart presents statistics from various employment sectors of graduates in Brighton University during the whole year(2019). Units are measured in percentages.
Overall, by far the service industries was the most popular sector with the highest percentages among the graduate students in Brighton University while the sectors for manufacturing industry, education along with politics and government were also highly chosen as an employment even though they share much lower percentages than the dominant sector, with slightly different proportions.
In 2019, 33 percent of graduate students were involved in service industries sector which shows the highest percentage in the entire chart. The figures for manufacturing industry, education, politics and government were at 16,3 percent, 14,7 percent and 12,1 percent respectively. Conversely, the sectors, namely transportation and warehousing with science and technology shared another 15,1 percent together.
Interestingly, the percentages of the graduates in employment sectors for civil service and others were quite low with 5,6 percent and 2,8 percent whereas graduate students from Brighton University showed almost no interest for charity and sport sectors.

6.5

The essay presents information logically, but some areas lack clear transitions and cohesion between ideas.

Suggestions
  • Use more linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, though some expressions are slightly repetitive or imprecise.

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in punctuation and sentence structure.

The essay addresses the task, providing an overview and details, but could be more precise in presenting data.

Suggestions
  • Ensure all data from the chart is accurately reflected.
  • Provide a more detailed comparison between sectors.