The chart below shows the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2008 and 2010
The bar chart illustrates the water volumes of six towns in Australia namely : Darwin, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, and Canberra in the years between 2009 and 2010.
In general, it seems that the water levels on October 2010 mostly rose significantly compared to October 2009 for all the towns, respectively. However, water levels at Darwin’s town declined sharply on October 2010.
All in all, there are at least four regions that has increased in water volumes which is Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Canberra.
Sydney went up around 5% from the previous year. Melbourne also shows a similar trend and jumped drastically around 13% and both of Perth and Canberra have increased around 20%.Furthermore, Brisbane still remained unchanged since last year.
In contrast, Darwin has dropped shortly around 14%. In summary, the water volumes increased at some area of the country, the other still stay the same or even decreased in 2010.
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linkage between some ideas. There are some inconsistencies and repetition in the description of trends.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
- Avoid repeating information.
- Ensure consistency in describing data.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions.
There are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed data support and contains some inaccuracies.
Suggestions
- Include specific data to support statements.
- Ensure accuracy in describing trends.