The chart below shows the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2008 and 2010
The bar chart illustrates the water degree of 6 cities in Australia from October 2009 to 2010. Overall, the levels of water in Australiaʼs six towns showed different changes between October 2009 and 2010, however the rise was the most significant in Canberra followed by Sydney. The city with the lowest rate of water degree was Darwin in October 2010.
Compared to the condition in the year of 2009, Perth city experienced a minimal rise from 40% to almost 80% in October 2010.
The city Melbourne also showed negligible rise with 40% while Brisbane had no growth at all both in 2009 and 2010.
The opposite trend was the case with Darwin, where the water degree showed almost 45 percent in 2009, as opposed to 25 percent in 2010.
The essay presents information logically but lacks smooth transitions between ideas. Some details are repeated unnecessarily.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Avoid repetition of similar points.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary but lacks precision in some descriptions.
The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures but contains some errors and awkward phrasing.
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant information but lacks some detail and accuracy.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data from the chart.
- Ensure all cities are discussed with accurate details.