The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000.
The bar chart compares data on salt intake by two genders throughout their lives in the USA. Overall, men exhibited considerably higher figures than their female counterparts, whereas preschool children of both genders were the only ones whose salt intake did not exceed recommendations.
Focusing on children first, preschoolers showed the lowest numbers compared to other age groups, with girls under 6 consuming around 1000 milligrams of salt and boys twice more. However, this gap narrowed down in the next age bracket (6-11); boys’ food ration included 3,500 milligrams and those of girls’ 3,000 milligrams.
The numbers for males continued to grow as they got older. This trend was especially pronounced among young men, whose salt intake reached 4,200 milligrams by the age of 19 and grew further up to 4,500 milligrams for those aged 20 to 39. Nevertheless, this was followed by a gradual decline; figures decreased slightly to 3,900 and then to 3,500 for adults aged 40 to 60 and elderly over 60, respectively.
Remarkably, females demonstrated generally consistent numbers throughout their teenage and adult years. Starting with nearly 3,000 milligrams in the 12-19 age bracket, this number increased slightly and constituted approximately 3,100 milligrams in the next age bracket (20-39), followed by a minor drop to 3,000 for women aged 40-60. However, this trend continued and those older than 60 exhibited all-time low figures for adults with 2,5000 milligrams.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and the progression of the essay is smooth.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
The range of vocabulary is quite wide and the words are used appropriately. However, there is still room for improvement in terms of using more varied and sophisticated language.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures. Few grammatical errors may occur, but they do not impede communication.
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the data. The information is presented in a clear and logical manner, making it easy to understand the key trends and patterns.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully explain all parts of the data and avoid any vague or ambiguous language.