The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.
The bar chart compares the percentage of male and female candidates who successfully got their driving license within 30 years from 1980 to 2010 in an Asian country.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that women passed their driving test more successfully as opposed to their male counterparts.
From the beginning point, the figure for women in 1980 comprised 48 %, indicating 52% of a slight rise for the next decade. Whereas, in terms of men, it can be observed that, the percentage almost halved compared to women’s proportion showing 28% and 38% for the years 1980 and 1990 respectively. The trend reached its peak comprising 68% for the women in 2000, by contrast, there was a stability in the proportions of male test takers between 2000-2010 years.
Coming to 2010, the numbers for the female candidates saw gradual fall, lowering to 65% but still overtaking figures for the male counterparts indicating 48%.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through the text. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also provides specific details and examples to support the main points. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the data for men and women.
Suggestions
- Try to provide a more detailed comparison of the data for men and women. This could involve discussing the relative sizes of the percentages at different points in time, or comparing the overall trend for men to the one for women.