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The charts below show the percentage of students at an adult education centre taking various courses offered in 1985 and this year

The chart illustrated the proportion of students enrolled in various courses at an adult education . Overall,in 1985, a large percentage of students took courses in fitness, dance, and modern languages, howewer they also took courses in art, cooking, as well as local history, with an average enrollment in these three courses,this year, the percentage of modern language students decreased, the percentage of students who went to art and cooking courses was expected, the percentage of those who went to fitness and dance did not change, and by this year, IT was replaced by music appreciation and local history students, sucha as there are many studentsare going to study the course.
In 1985, modern language students made up 24 percent, and this course was the most studied in this year. Fitness and dance students made up 22 percent, art such as local history students made up almost the same amount, but artstudents found local history 2% more than non-students, that is, art 17% and local history 15%, and cooking students only 1% less than those studying local history. Music appreciation is the least percentage was 8 percent.
By this year local history and music appreciation courses are gone and replaced by IT as well as IT by this year a huge number of students are taking this course and 27% of students taking modern languages are in IT10 percent less than the percentage of students who attend. 15% of students going to art course, 4% more students going to cooking course, 3% more students going to fitness such as dance than students going to cooking.

5.0

The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression in terms of content development. However, the excessive use of coordinating conjunctions and the lack of proper paragraphing make the essay look cluttered and difficult to follow.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of conjunctions to create complex sentences and show relationships between ideas.
  • Properly organize your essay into paragraphs, each with a clear main idea.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are numerous spelling and word formation errors.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are numerous grammatical errors that can cause misunderstanding.

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific details and examples to support your main points.