The charts below show the use of water for agricultural products in Australia in 2004 and the value of these products to the Australian economy in the same year.
The pie charts give information about the percentage of water used for 6 different farm commodities in Australia and the proportion of the income from these products to the Australian economy in 2004 .
In general , the highest percentage of water was utilized for vegetables . The same proportion of water was used for rice and flower . In the second data , a lot of profits were from fruits , whereas rice occupied the last position in terms of income .
Starting with first data , the proportion of water was used for vegetables ranked first , meaning it was 46% . this was 18% higher than the percentage of water was utilized for fruits in 2004 . Furthermore , the percentage of water used for other 4 aforementioned commodities did not vary significantly .
Regarding the rest , the proportion of revenue from fruits was highest , meaning it was 40% . Meanwhile , the proportion of profit from vegetables was just 31% . the percentage of used water and income from cereal coupled with lime was indentical . the former product’ percent was 12% , and the latter product’s percent was 8%. however , rice ranked the last position in terms of revenue (1%).
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that hinder understanding.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the charts. The key features are identified and described, and there is a good level of detail. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the data.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed comparison of the data. This could involve comparing the proportions of water used for each commodity and the proportions of income from each commodity.