The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions
In many countries, young people are more inclined to be involved in criminal activities compared to the past.The reasons behind this issue are a lack of parental guidance as well as social media and to address this problem effectively,enhancing parental involvement.
One major factor that induces teenagers to commit crimes is that parents do not pay enough attention to their children.This is because they have hectic schedules and many responsibilities,and they do not have enough time to guide them.Consequently,they tend to have maladjusted personalities and ultimately,to do criminal activities.For example,in many cities such as Los Angeles and London,as parents do not have enough time to supervise their children,they are not raised properly and it leads to an increase in crime rate.Moreover, social media can push children towards criminal activities because they have inappropriate content and the young generation watches these content and videos which can result in behavioural disorder and committing crimes.
Regarding the solutions,parents should pay enough attention to their children and should teach them what is wrong and what is right.In this case,teenagers can be deterred from doing criminal activities and have proper behaviours.For instance,in the countryside in Azerbaijan, as parents supervise their children sufficiently and teach them the difference between right and wrong ,children in these places have a healthy mind and the crime rate is lower.
In conclusion,the influence of social media and lack of parental guidance are primary factors that push the young towards crime.However, it is possible to deal with this issue by involving parents to deter children from this tendency.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs could be more focused. The use of cohesive devices is generally good, but there are a few instances where they could be used more effectively to improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied linking words could help to better connect the ideas in the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the connection between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised to improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to better convey the arguments and ideas presented in the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised to improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to better convey the arguments and ideas presented in the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the development of ideas could be more fully supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the increase in criminal activities among teenagers and suggesting potential solutions. The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. However, the development of ideas could be more fully supported with specific examples and a more detailed exploration of the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support the arguments.
- Consider a more detailed exploration of the proposed solutions.