The diagram below shows a small local museum and its surroundings in 1957 and 2007.
The two maps show the development of a small local museum and its circle areas over a period of 50 years (1957-2007). Overall, the museum created more welcoming atmosphere for visitors due to expanding layout and adding some rooms. Notable changes include the disappearance of large garden then creating parking.
In 1957, the museum provided eco-friendly atmosphere its visitors. There was a road at the bottom of the map, middle of which was the access to the museum. That was surrounded with various kind of trees including juniper, elm and etc. The rectangular museum incorporated mainly three rooms, museum-store room was situated at the right-hand side, with opposite of which was local history room and large national history exhibition was the back of building.
By 2007, the museum experienced a more modernized change. As a result of deforestation, the plan of museum was enlarged. New one began with museum shop added lonely, after which was reception and café was the right side of reception. By long local history room, visitors could come into the education center (right corner) and special exhibition (left corner).
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, leading to some confusion. There are also some issues with the overall cohesion of the essay, as the connection between ideas and paragraphs could be stronger.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. This will help to improve the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, make sure that the connection between ideas and paragraphs is clear and logical. This can be achieved by using more effective topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Additionally, there are some issues with spelling and punctuation, which can affect the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. These errors can sometimes lead to a lack of clarity or confusion. Additionally, there are some issues with word form and spelling, which can also affect the overall readability of the essay.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more concise and focused. The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is presented in a logical sequence, and there is clear evidence of a range of structures and vocabulary. However, the essay could be more concise and focused. Some of the descriptions are a bit detailed and could be seen as digressions from the main task.
Suggestions
- Try to be more concise and focused in your descriptions. This will help to keep the reader’s attention on the main task. Additionally, make sure that all of your descriptions are directly relevant to the task.
- Avoid introducing any new information or personal opinions.