The diagram below shows information about the recycling of aluminium cans
The given diagram illustrates information about the recycling of aluminium cans.
First of all, used cans are collected in trash and transported from one distance to another distance by special trucks. After that, collected cans are faced to special events including cleaning, sorting, shredding and compressing. Following this, they are heated and melted.
After this process, heated cans are rolled 2.5mm or 6mm thick.
After that, they are recycled for reusing. Finally, after six steps, they are ready for consumption which is 74 percent recycled.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear progression of ideas. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors that affect the overall clarity.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a generally relevant response. However, the response could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the more general statements.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about each stage of the recycling process.
- Avoid using phrases like ‘special events’ and ‘collected cans are faced to special events’ as these are not standard English phrases. Instead, use more standard English phrases such as ‘undergoes a series of special processes’ and ‘collected cans are subjected to special processing methods’.