The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakefield from 1995 until now
The maps illustrate how the layout of the town named Shakefield changed from 1995 to now. Overall, the town has undergone significant enhancements to create a more welcoming atmosphere for its residents. Notable changes include the introduction of holiday homes, a car park and the addition of several sport zones.
In 1995, the town offered limited amenities for the residents. Visitors entered from the nort-west side through a road leading to two directions. If people turned left, they could access farm land at the end of the road, below which a public park with a lot of trees was situated. Right after they took the turn to the right, however, they could see housing buildings, followed by a sport and hotel opposite it. After, they faced divided road again, which could lead to a fish market and coffee. At the bottom of the town, morning fish boat and sea were located, providing people to swim via these boats.
After the reconstructions, significant changes had occurred in the town’s layout. Farm land at the right corner made the way to golf course and tennis course. Also, public park was destroyed, giving a zone for holiday homes, bottom to which a car park, west-southern to which larger hotel can be accessed. Regarding the western side of the map, the number of housing buildings increased, while sport buildings are replaced by restaurants now. Six apartment buildings, additionally, are occupying the place of fish market in the past, below which only yacht and sea are located
The essay is logically organized and there is a clear progression of ideas. However, the use of some cohesive devices is somewhat awkward, and the overall cohesion of the essay could be improved. The use of referencing and substitution is also somewhat inconsistent.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that could be improved. Your vocabulary is generally suitable for describing changes in a town; however, there are some awkward phrasings and possible misunderstandings in your word choices. To enhance the clarity and precision of your description, consider the following revisions: “Farm land at the right corner made the way to golf course and tennis course.” Revision: “The farmland in the right corner was transformed into a golf course and tennis court.” “public park was destroyed, giving a zone for holiday homes.” Revision: “The area that was once a public park was repurposed into a zone for holiday homes.” These changes clarify the intended meanings and improve the overall readability of your essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as in verb tense consistency, that could be addressed. There are several grammatical issues in your essay that need to be addressed to ensure proper sentence structure and clarity. Here are some suggested revisions: “In 1995, the town offered limited amenities for the residents.” Revision: “In 1995, the town offered limited amenities to its residents.” “Right after they took the turn to the right, however, they could see housing buildings, followed by a sport and hotel opposite it.” Revision: “Immediately after turning right, they would encounter housing buildings, followed by a sports facility and a hotel.” “At the bottom of the town, morning fish boat and sea were located, providing people to swim via these boats.” Revision: “At the southern end of the town, fishing boats and the sea were located, allowing people to swim via the boats.”
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could provide a more detailed comparison of the changes that have occurred, as well as their impact on the town and its residents. You have provided a detailed description of the changes in the town of Shakefield over time, which effectively addresses the task. However, to improve your essay, consider providing a more explicit comparison of the changes that have occurred, including their impact on the town and its residents. This could involve discussing not only the physical changes but also the social and economic implications of these transformations. Additionally, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and enhance the flow of your writing.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed comparison of the changes that have occurred, including their impact on the town and its residents.
- Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and enhance the flow of your writing.