The diagram below shows the production of olive oil.
The illustration highlights which kinds of process are covered in order to produce olive oil. Overall, the diagram demonstrates that, despite using machinery which makes process easier in the factories, it still takes long-term stages that start with picking the olives and finish with selling or storing them.
The first step is that the olive is picked from the trees into baskets before it is submerged in cold water so that it can be rinsed in the factory . Once it has been belt enough , it is then passed through another machinery that it can be smashed into olive paste and olive stones, after which it is put into bags which have a plenty of holes. At this point, it is separated into oil and water which is already ready to be sent to the special places where it can be stored and sold to people who need this kind of product.
The essay follows the sequence of the diagram but lacks clear transitions between some stages.
Suggestions
- Use clear transition words to connect the stages more effectively.
- Ensure each stage is clearly linked to the next.
- Avoid abrupt shifts in the process description.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision in some areas.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.
The essay describes the process but lacks detail in some stages and has minor inaccuracies.
Suggestions
- Include more details about each stage.
- Ensure all stages in the diagram are covered accurately.