The diagram shows the process of making bottled water
The picture illustrates the production of bottled water.
Overall,as it can be observed that there are 15 stages in this process and 5 main parts,starting from filtering raw water with chemicals and water softener and ending with packaging bottled water to supermarket.
At the first phase in the process,raw water is filtered and softened with chemicals before sent to a pump.The pump then directs the water to the heating and evaporation stage,where electric heater cool the pipes using carbon dioxide.
In the following stage,the water is directed to a mixing tank by using of the long pipe.Tank is divided into 3 like coloring,syrup and flavour.Following this,the filter was bottled and canned.Finally, the bottled water is readied and boxed to be packaged to supermarket for consumption.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the process. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and more formal language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
The essay provides a detailed description of the process of making bottled water. The writer has clearly labeled each stage of the process and has provided an overview of the main steps. However, the essay could be improved by providing more information about the purpose of each stage and the way in which it contributes to the final product.
Suggestions
- Provide more information about the purpose of each stage in the process.
- Explain how each stage contributes to the quality and safety of the final product.