The diagram shows the recycling of aluminium cans
The diagram depicts the way in which aluminium cans are recycled. Overall, there are six distinct stages, starting with draining cans in rubbish bins, culminating in ready-to-use products.
This process kicks off with throwing away items made with aluminium to separated bins, followed by the accumulation stage. In this time, they are taken by certain employees to trucks. After that, they are carried in lorries and delivered to the factory in which cans are cleaned, followed by sorting, shredding, and compression section. Following this, the mixture prepared in the previous stage is put in high temperature so that it melts, and this is where half of the recycling is done.
After being heated and melted, the material in the shape of round things is rolled in 2.5 mm to 6 mm thick. Being rolled up, it is then recycled in the pattern of the can it should to be.All too often, it is the Great Britain where the population utilizes 74% recycled aluminium as to sell their products such as soft drinks.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the process. The use of transition words and phrases (“This process kicks off,” “In this time,” “Following this,” “After being heated and melted”) helps to guide the reader through the stages of the process. However, the cohesion between sentences could be improved to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, the transition between the accumulation stage and the subsequent stages could be smoother to better connect the ideas.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “draining cans,” “accumulation stage,” “transportation,” “factory,” “cleaning,” “sorting,” “shredding,” and “compression.” The use of technical terms related to the recycling process is effective. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined to improve clarity and formality (e.g., “This process kicks off” could be replaced with “This process begins”). Additionally, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure. The use of the passive voice is appropriate for describing the recycling process, and the sentences are generally well-structured. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved (e.g., “This process kicks off with throwing away items made with aluminium to separated bins” should be “This process begins with placing aluminium items in separated bins”). Ensuring subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions would also help improve the grammatical accuracy of the writing.
The essay provides a clear and detailed description of the recycling process for aluminium cans. The use of transition words and phrases helps to guide the reader through the process, from the initial disposal of the cans to the final production of new aluminium products. The essay effectively outlines each stage of the process, providing a comprehensive overview. However, the inclusion of the phrase “All too often, it is the Great Britain where the population utilizes 74% recycled aluminium as to sell their products such as soft drinks” is irrelevant and could be removed to improve the overall focus and clarity of the essay. Additionally, providing more specific details about each stage of the process could enhance the depth of the response.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all information provided is relevant and directly related to the topic.
- Consider providing more specific details about each stage of the process to enhance the depth of the response.