The government should give priority to health care or other important priorities. Discuss both views and opine.

In today’s fast-growing era, people’s thoughts on government budget spending differ in terms of where it should be directed more: the healthcare section or other sectors like defense, education, and infrastructure. I support the former idea because healthy people ensure the operation of other sectors.
Many people argue that money should be directed on infrastructure, defense, or education first as it gives more opportunity to people’s lives. Countries leaders visit each other’s country to agree on different topics and when they come their well-being should be secured by the army and military. An educated person should make agreement papers, so that’s why this person should study in the best school and university also. The infrastructure of the country shows how to be greeted by visiting the country in the future. For example, Japan’s budget has been allocated more to infrastructure and education systems since the Second World War to reach the place where they are now.
Every country’s prior goal is to boost the economy which can be done by working citizens in different sectors. If every person in the country works, the unemployment rate may decrease and help to sectors growth. Businesses also try their best to pay attention to the well-being of staff. They give holidays to rest after a long year of work, give different discounts on sanatoriums as well as free medical services. More healthy workers mean less absence at work, which in turn, helps every sector to grow. In Germany, for instance, many businesses have created opportunities for their employees to have free medical services twice a year. Also, many companies give 3 to 5 days to rest to those workers who are ill to get well for the upcoming week.
In conclusion, while some people believe that it would be better if money is directed toward big sectors like infrastructure, defense, and education, others suggest the healthcare sector. I deem that the latter suggestion is better because every other sector’s growth and maintenance are ensured by healthy people.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and clearly stating the final opinion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the key points and clearly state your opinion.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and clearly stating the final opinion.