The government should give priority to health care or other important priorities. Discuss both views and opine.
In today’s fast-growing era, people’s thoughts on government budget spending differ in terms of where it should be directed more: healthcare section or other sectors like defense, education, infrastructure. I support former idea because healthy people ensure the operation of other sectors.
Many people argue that money should be directed on infrastructure, defense or education first as it gives more opportunity to people live. Countries leaders visit each other’s country in order to conclude an agreement in different topics and when they come their well-being should be secured by army and military. Agreement papers should be made by educated person, so that’s why this person should study in a best school and university also. The infrastructure of country shows how to be greeted by visiting country in future. For example, Japan’s budget is allocated more on infrastructure and education system since the second world war in order to reach the place where they are now.
Every countries prior goal is to boost economy which can be done by working citizens in different sectors. If every person in country works, the unemployment rate may decrease and helps to sectors growth. Businesses also tries their best to pay attention the well-being of staff. They give holidays to rest after a long year work, give different discounts on sanatorium as well as free medical services. More healthy workers mean less absence at work, which in turn, helps every sector to grow. In Germany, for instance, many businesses have created opportunity to their employees having free medical services twice in a year. Also many companies give 3 to 5 days to rest to those workers who are ill in order to get well for the upcoming week.
In conclusion, while some people believe that it would be better if money is directed on big sectors like infrastructure, defense and education, others suggest healthcare sector. Personally, I deem that latter suggestion is better because every other sectors’ growth and maintenance are ensured by healthy people.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes confusing, and the overall cohesion of the essay could be enhanced. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting for the reader. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structure that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of punctuation could be improved to enhance the overall readability of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The writer presents a well-structured argument, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the issue. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion.