The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
The line graph shows changes in how many occupations were created in four different sectors of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020. Overall, the number of jobs in the agriculture and retail field of the economy increased significantly and the reverse was true for manufacturing and healthcare. Additionally, manufacturing stood out among other sectors with substantially higher numbers despite a decline in the end of the period.
Focusing on increases first, in 1960, retail was the second largest employer with about 6 million jobs, considerably more than the figure for agriculture, at 2 million. After 40 years, this gap became less pronounced, when the figure for the former rose to 15 million and that for agriculture increased to 12 million jobs. The number of jobs for retail and agriculture continued their trajectory with agriculture seeing bigger change of growth, resulting in their figures converging at around 16 million in the final year.
On the other hand, manufacturing and healthcare bucked the trend. Manufacturing, which was the largest employer in 1960 with 15 million jobs and this followed by increased noticeably to 20 million in 1980 before declining consistent to 13 million in 2020. While, healthcare jobs dropped from 6 million to 3 million in 1980. After that the figure for the healthcare sector remained more or less unchanged until the end of the period.
The essay generally follows a logical structure and presents information clearly. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
Suggestions
- Use more cohesive devices to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Link ideas more effectively between sentences.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision, though there are occasional inaccuracies.
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are errors that occasionally impede understanding.
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant information, but some details are inaccurately interpreted or omitted.
Suggestions
- Ensure accurate interpretation of data.
- Include all relevant trends and comparisons.
- Clarify any ambiguous statements.