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The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020

The line graph compares the number of jobs in four sectors in the US economy, with numbers serving as the unit of measurement at 20-year intervals. Overall, the gap between the four sectors narrowed throughout the period. While manufacturing was by far the highest initially, it underwent a dramatic decrease, alongside agriculture, over the period. Furthermore, both healthcare and retail employment outpaced the other two manufacturing and agriculture and led the US economy.
In 1960, manufacturing was the leading employment industry in the US, accounting for 15million jobs. In 1980 this figure raised at 20million the highest on the chart but by 2020 it experienced a downward trajectory dipping by 7million. Agriculture, ranked third, mirrored the same trend, albeit at lower figures. In 1960, it commenced at 6million jobs, a figure that then declined noticeably to 3million in 1980 and hovered around this level until end of the period.
Unspecified sectors which retail and healthcare bucked the foregoing trend. Retail started the period at 5 million in 1960 and witnessed significant growth to whopping 15million jobs between 1960 and 2000. By 2020, the figure increased by a mere 2million but surpassed other sectors to become dominant figure in the US economy, closely followed by healthcare, which experienced a similar trend throughout the period. Even though it accounted for only 1million jobs initially, healthcare underwent a noticeable expansion, rising dramatically by 14million, the highest increase on the chart.

6.5

The essay generally follows a logical structure but lacks some clarity in transitions and connections between ideas.

Suggestions
  • Ensure clear transitions between paragraphs.
  • Use linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
  • Clarify the progression of data over time.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary adequately, but some phrases lack precision.

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity.

The essay adequately addresses the task, summarizing key features and trends, but lacks some precision in data representation.

Suggestions
  • Ensure accurate representation of data points.
  • Highlight significant trends more clearly.