The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line graph provides data on the percentage of the total population in four cities, Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia, between 1970 and 2020, with some predictions for the next two decades.
Overall, the most common trend was for the population of all cities to increase. What also stands out is the percentage of population in Indonesia, registered a considerable growth, surpassing territories except Malaysia.
In 1970, being the lowest indicator in percentage of total population by 21st century’s beginning, Indonesia was superior to Thailand and Philippines, meeting them at roughly 30% and 40% respectively. However, by the end of an accurate period, despite big increases, Malaysia illustrated a sharp growth, reaching to over 70%, certainly with arguings with Philippines up to 1990, when Philippines showed the highest level. In addition, it is predicted that the percentage of total population in these cities will maintain the following level, but continuing to increase.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. Some sentences are unclear, and transitions between ideas are weak.
Suggestions
- Organize the essay into clear paragraphs.
- Use linking words to connect ideas.
- Clarify unclear sentences.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary but lacks precision in some areas.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, impacting clarity and coherence.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detail and clarity in some areas.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data from the graph.
- Clarify comparisons between countries.